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~*..::¢αѕѕ ∂αωgѕ ρℓα¢є::..*~υя тєєтн αяє вιg αи∂ gяєєи αи∂ υ ѕмєℓℓ ℓιкє gαѕσℓιиє! April 19 Reality...I first heard it from a very good but old friend. "The truth comes out when your drunk" people can say mean and hurtful things when they have alcohol in them...liquid courage to say the things you normally would not say when you were sober. But people can also go to the opposite end of the spectrum and speak the nice truth. They can say nice, good, sweet things that they maybe dont express enough when they are sober for either fear of how other people will react or thinking they may get hurt for some reason. The evil truth hurts but sometimes the nice truth is needed.
Tonite I was reminded how no matter how frequently people express their emotions it doesnt matter...they feel that way all the time. Sometimes theres a time to express these feelings. And other times you just dont. People have a side to them that is often hidden. Its who they truly are but its not who they portray themselves to be. And sometimes all you see is the side that you know and you forget that they have other parts to them that make them who they are, why they say and do the things that they do.
You reminded me of the simple things that are important. The reasons why we get out of bed each day, the reason for being. How people can simply change your life for the better. You reminded me that no matter what has happened in the past that it is now the present and we can choose how we are going to react and continue through each day. People can hurt you, people can desert you, people can make you dissappointed and sad and upset and angry. But people can also change your entire perspective life, change your way of thinking. They can surprise you and delight you and please you and make you thankful to have them in your life several times a day. Sometimes the most meaningful and important things cant be spoken. But you know they are there and that they exist.
You shouldnt blame the people currently in your life for the things others have done in the past. This is my biggest battle, a daily struggle. An issue that I dont know will ever completly go away so I can be totally completly faithful and trusting in the present. But with the people in my life that I am consistantly surrounded by it is becoming easier to fight this battle. And everyday with the words you speak and the things you dont even have to say all you have to do is think them and I know...its getting better and better.
And I saw too many things
So much pain
But now im seeing much clearer
Its getting better and better
  March 19 Things I just have to remind myself...Sometimes I just have to remind myself of things. Things that sometimes I forget and sometimes I just have to pull myself back into reality and remind myself that everything is okay and that nothing has changed.
Sometimes I dont know why I tell people the things I do...or write them the things I do. Because when I dont get a response back I wonder. I wonder if they read it...I wonder if it meant something to them. I wonder if they care. Sometimes I just need confirmation on things so I know for myself the truth. I dont know sometimes I just feel like its wasted time. This is when I have to remind myself that even without confirmation and without talking about something I have to know that people do understand and that it does mean something to them. I have to know if they read it or aknowledged it that its in their head. And thats all I really wanted...was for people to know what I think.
Then theres other times that I have to remind myself that no matter who is in ur life that its possible to love more then one person. Its possible to love someone and still love another just as much or even more but in a different kinda of way. Its not like a person can only love one other. Sometimes I just tend to forget....and sometimes I just gotta remember. February 26 What means the world to me...What means the world to me?
Its rather interesting the way I got thinking about this question. I heard the song "What Means The World To Me" by Ludacris, Cam'rom, Trina etc. And I began thinking about what means the world to me, what I really need to make it thru each day and what I need to make me happy.
And this is what I've thought of so far
What means the world to me? Nites with my friends that I probably wont remember. Stars. Driving for miles. Going to Victoria and Vancouver. My friends. My family. Beer and vodka. WEED. Days with my friends where we do absolutly nothing but lay around and had more fun than most other days. Comfy beds. Sunshine. Ability to have freedom. Not being controlled. Money. Purses. Necklaces rings and bracelets. Music. Days off. Perfume. Laughter. Smiling. Hoodies and sweaters. Jeans. Flip flops. Ice cream. Traveling and road trips. Pictures. Videos. My computer. Dancing. Secrets. Truth. Honesty. Letters from friends. Emails from friends. Phone calls from friends. Blankets. Singing. Happiness.
February 24 .....I probably shouldnt be writing this. I probably should be sleeping. And everyone thinks I'm sleeping.
I dont know why I'm writing this...I felt like I need to.
My eyes are burning, 14 hours of sleep over 3 days does stuff to ones mind. But its like I cant sleep no matter what I cant get myself to go to bed. And its not that I cant fall asleep its like I cant make myself even get to the bed. Why when I'm this tired do I not do the right thing and that is to sleep? Makes no sense! Its like I fear being alone or something or not awake. Like I'll miss something...I dont know what it is. I feel like my mind and thoughts are twisted and and knotted and tangled up and I'm trying to untangle them and make it all straight again but I cant. Its so much effort and just as I'm about to get the last few knots undone new ones show up again out of no where and I dont even know why they are there. Its just this never ending job. I discover and I think and I believe that I find answers and then suddenly I'm back to the beginning.
If you read this next part and dont understand what I am talking about then it obviously isnt meant towards you...
"Sometimes I just need you" "Everyones a let down it just depends on how far down they can go" "We sometimes cant put into words exactly how we are feeling, or how much feel for and love someone. Maybe it shouldnt be humanly possible to explain that kinda stuff" Its like when I'm around you everything is okay...its like nothing bad can happen. Like I'm in some sort of bubble. Nothing matters except the present when we're together. I dont know how its possible to do absolutly nothing but still would rather be there then anywhere else in the world at that moment. I know you know what I'm talking about. I believe we all keep each other grounded...I dont know...I cant explain anything more...its just not humanly possible to.
But for the people that will never get to experience the things we do on a daily basis well that makes me sad because I would hope everyone would experience something as cool and great and special and nice as what we get too. But I know everyone doesnt get too...and so that makes me more thankful for everything. And I'm sure tho one day it will end up also making me hurt more than the average soul.
So thats all I must nap now. To anyone who believes they understand what I am saying but doesnt know for sure and needs some clarification feel free to ask...I'll explain
January 14 2 years have passed....I never check this place anymore...I guess msn spaces is just second to my youtube and myspace.
 Its been just over 2 years since I started writing and doing things on this space. I just went back and read a couple of old blog entries and man oh man how things have changed. I use to be obbssesed with you...why? Its nothing like that now  The way I wrote and the things I said I am so far past that...moved on you might say. But I dont feel different, though I sound different I feel the same. Im not even sure why I'm writing this, does anyone read this? I dont think so. Is it just out of boredem and highness I come here to write? Thats a good possibility. Ya know I just realized that I have no idea if you read these things...you have never told me if you read what I write here. Not that I care now I dont...sometimes my mind just wanders tho... Have you ever thought about the impact every single decision you...or someone else makes. Maybe not every decision but almost everyone changes your life in ways it would not have changed had you made a different decision. Does that make sense?? Like say I had never got my second job...I would not have met any of the people that I know there...I would not be friends with the ones there that mean so much to me...if I wasnt there where would I be at that moment now? I have no idea I'll never know...because this is the path I have created for myself. Even other peoples decisions impact the way your life works out. Like had my grandparents never moved to canada my mom would have never met my dad and there would be no me
 or if my parents had never moved to Nanaimo from Alberta I would maybe still be here, not here tho...in Alberta? Where? Not knowing anyone in the world that I know...which scares me and makes me sad to think of a life without the friends I know. Do I make sense speaking these ideas? Am I crazy? Or maybe I'm so crazy I'm actually making sense? I dont know. Its something to think about tho...maybe a little somethin somethin to blow your mind ah! Or maybe everyone that reads this should go have a couple oil hoots and let me know what they start thinking about...yeah go...do it
Why are u still reading this?
(I will say tho if anyone can read this and understands me, knows exactly what I'm talking about, agrees with me or can make sense of me...well that would totally blow my mind and I would totally love you  )November 24 AKON-KonvictedWow its been almost a month since I've written anything here. I guess thats because my life isnt all bad and I have nothing to say and at the same time I never really do anything but work so theres not much to say their either. But there is something now I would like to share. Akons new CD "Konvicted" GO BUY IT, DOWNLOAD IT, GET SOMEONE TO BURN IT! Wow its so amazingly awsome. I havent found a song that I dont like. I dont know theres something about his voice, and its just wow. I love it the way he says his words and what not. I can just sit there and listen to it and honestly it makes me feel like everything is and will be ok and it just calms me. I love it, its almost hypnotic. Of course "Shake that" and "I wanna fuck (love) you" are on there. There arent many songs tho that are like those...so some people may not like it. But go and download "SNITCH" its not from Akons CD its from Obie Trice's CD but it has Eminem and Akon in it and its my new favorite
 Ok stay well I'll catch you guys later!
Oh on another note I no longer work at the North KFC!!!!! I know its like amazing!!! I do work at the South one tho but I'm hoping it'll be different. And I got certified as a Shift at Starbucks...so I guess its been a pretty good week yay  October 25 Ooo Halloween!Ooo its almost HALLOWEEN
 I love halloween yay I think it probably my favorite holiday. I have some weird "obssession" with pumpkins. I love them they are so cute and orange haha I know I'm a strange one. I went to the haunted house at Beban tonite. OMG scary haha I was actually truly scared. So was Hannah and Bre..I think Bre was she was laughing alot but I think she was scared. We of course were also high so I'm sure we were trippin a little more then usual haha. This Saturday is a little party for halloween that we're having at Starbuckies. I'm getting ready with Courtney...also known as getting drunk before haha. I'm going as a rasta! Yeah mon! I dont really know how I thought of it the idea just kinda came to me the other day, kinda for a number of reasons. 1)Its an easy thing to dress up as, I have a pot leaf t-shirt that I'm going to wear and all I had to do was buy a rasta wig with a multi colored "tam". 2)I have this picture of Grant, its a really cute pic and in it hes wearing a rasta/dreadlock wig. It's kinda in honor of him because its just something that would make him smile. And sometimes I like to remember
3)I love love love Bob Marley. Maybe one of the most famous rastas of all time. And 4) I'm a stoner...I may as well have an excuse to look and actually act like one for at least a day bahaha Well anyways thats the update. I'll be making a video message birthday thingy for Soria cause its her bday on Friday!!!! I hope she'll be happy that I'm giving her a message yayOctober 15 Personality thingy
personality tests by similarminds.com |
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